Forever confused.

That feeling, when you are sitting in your car or on your bed. You try to gather your thoughts. You just feel so empty inside. You can’t feel your heartbeat, you feel nothing! Total numbness. Your mind is blank yet all you feel is sadness and emptiness. There is no reason for you to feel this way. No one has said anything nasty to you yet all these unwanted emotions invite themselves and make you feel unworthy. You start thinking of all the reasons why you’d rather not be here. Just for that moment you wish you didn’t exist. This moment is few min yet it’s so powerful. This feeling is so strong it makes you forgot all your loved ones and every single happy moment. These emotion take over and destroy your inner peace. The sadness feels like life has been unfair to you and your unworthy of it. Your thought become so bitter and your emotion take over. You don’t feel like talking to anyone or being around anyone. You think the whole world is against you and there is nothing that will make this feeling go away. Yet few minutes later you are you! The person you’ve always been, happy, cheerful and great full. You smile and make life plans. You imagine all the things you like to do and make your future plans and this emptiness is nowhere to be felt. You feel complete and satisfied.

Yet only a short while before you were wishing you never existed.

Why do We feel this way. Why do We enter this dark bitter phase. Does our mind plays tricks on us to test us of or is this what growing old means? Why do we feel like this, like life is a burden yet when We are normal we Love life. Even when We have reasons not to. But when We have no reason to feel all them feelings we Unwillingly feel them.

Forever confused……!

A year already.

I can’t believe it’s going to be 1 year next week since I stared this blog.

I haven’t written much as I’ve been really busy with work and life in general.

I have few post that I need to post soon. Just need to make sure they are readable. Hope everyone on here is keeping well and enjoying life.

Will post soon……until then see ya!

New Page of the same book

Wishing you all happy new year. I hope you all had a great start to the year. For me new year means trying lots of new things. I want to experience what its like to be out of my comfort zone. Maybe 2018 is the year of forgiveness and healing. To early to say anything.

Its been a while since I’ve posted on here. I thought about quitting and taking down the site but few of my readers reminded me how much they enjoy reading my blogs so I’ve decided to carry on writing for now.

I have a few posts lined up so watch out…… wishing you all a wonderful 2018 and i pray all your dreams come true.

When a choice becomes an addiction

It’s been a while since I have written anything here. I have a list of things I have been meaning to write about, but I never seem to get down to writing them. You might want to sit down for this blog though, as it is going to be a long one:
You don’t need to be an addict to understand addiction. Why do people look down on those who are addicts? Why is it that we don’t respect them the same way as a non-addict? No one is born an addict. So many of us are addicted to something (maybe many things): we are all guilty of this. It is simply just the choices we make, that we then lose control over; you make the same choice enough times and it turns into habit and habits are hard to undo. Addiction is not easy to live with, no one chooses to live a life where they no longer have control over what they are doing. Everybody wants to be in control. Why is it that someone who has a shopping addiction is more acceptable in society than someone who is addicted to smoking, drinking or any other drug?
The reality is addition is caused over time, often while a person is trying to deal with life’s many issues. Some people like to shop to make themselves feel better and others like to smoke to forget about the pain they are going through, before they know it, these enjoyments become their addiction. At first it’s a choice, a quick fix to escape the reality of whatever the situation is. So many things happen in our lives that really push us to our limits and we often break. Some of us mentally can cope, but others turn to their addiction.
Many of us know individuals that are addicted to something. We judge them, we look down on them. We expect them to give it up (just like that) and become a better person, but little do we know that these individuals are trying, day in, day out, to give this habit up. The struggle they face is immeasurable.
Even though there is help available, at first people do not want to talk about their addiction, not even to those closest to them, never mind seeking professional help. People often suffer in silence, never talk to anyone about their struggles. we could be with them most days and never know anything because they don’t want us to think any less of them. They want to maintain the image we have of them. Society can be harsh and make anyone feel unworthy at times.
When they do choose to talk, all they get told is “give it up,” “it’s not good for you,” or “you’re killing yourself.” All we start doing is lecturing about how awful their habit is and how we know better. Of course, the person who’s living with an addiction knows that it has consequences; they know how bad it can be for their health; they know that it is not the life they want: they know all the pitfalls – they suffer them over and over. We don’t need to remind them of all the awful things that can happen to them: they are already being reminded every day.
What we need to do is be more positive. If we are lucky enough that a loved one respects and values your view and chooses to talk about their addiction, please remember that they are coming to you for help. We should keep our ears and minds open and keep our egos to one side – this is not about us. We should listen to them because that’s all we can do, as a friend or a companion you can’t make them give anything up, but by being there for them you can support them on that journey. It’s up to each person how they chose to better themselves and we all have our own ways of doing this.
If you do know of someone suffering from addiction of any kind my advice is to keep listening to them. Do not force them to quit as this will only make them want to carry on. They may think you don’t accept them the way they are, so you want them to change. In most cases that’s not true, we still love them for who they are and are trying to be helpful but have simply chosen the wrong approach. Don’t forget they are just people, with feelings and emotions and frustrations. Sometimes people don’t even know why they make the choices that they make.
We should be grateful and thankful that we can be part of their journey of recovery, as not everyone wants to give up something that has helped them cope with grief, sadness, loneliness or regret. Although, we know addiction has never helped anyone, recognise that for them it is their way of life, a choice they made to help them deal with the world around them that has then taken over their entire life. A choice that has become an addiction. . .
Addiction of any kind is bad and it can kill people, but let us not forget that non-addicts die too: no one lives forever. So, love everyone and disrespect no one.


When The Past Calls….

When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say

How accurate is this saying.

Gosh I don’t even know where to start. Is it only me who has to deal with this? Surely it can’t be.

Most of us have such warm memories from the past. we find it so hard to let go. But its madness to try and re-live that part of your life again.  But don’t you just hate it when the past keeps calling. It’s like they couldn’t find anyone better and realised no one would put up with their bullshit. They come running back to you. They think your still that stupid person they once walked all over. Maturity does not come from age it comes from experiences. The deeper the scars they stronger you are. No one waits around sobbing over anyone and I’m not talking about just the lovers here I’m talking about everyone all the so-called friends and family members and so on. This doesn’t just apply to your ex . It’s for everyone that walked all over you. Was never there for you in your difficult time. They left you at your worst, and now that they see you doing so well, they start asking how comes we lost touch? I mean seriously !

The worst one has to be when they ask you, if you could be friends again? Ok! let me start of course we can be friends again, because I have such a fish memory that I will forget the hell you put me through, and i will forgive the pain you caused me. I’ll  just be the bigger person shall I.

Now that I am at peace, And I have found the light and meaning to my life. You want to crawl back? And remind me of everything i left behind? What are you?

This is how most people would react but this just does not help.

When people decide to walk out of your life, It’s for a reason. We might not see it that way at the time, But its true. They leave because they no longer find a connection. They no longer appreciate your company. The selfish ones walk away when you stop doing things for them. When you stop being loyal to ungrateful people they no longer feel the need to stick around. When you are at your lowest, That is when you realise who your real companions are. You don’t need to look back. You’ve been there many times and nothing was wroth keeping. If you keep looking back you’ll keep tripping when moving forward.

When the past calls, Let it call eventually it will hang up, Just like it did before. Never take anyone back, If they can leave you once, They will never hesitate to leave you again. They know you too well, That’s why they keep crawling back.

This whole process should teach you to BE YOU. Work on your self and those who stay know your worth and those who leave never knew you. Why chase after someone who only wants to benefit themselves.  The company you keep says a lot about you as a person. If you surround yourself with selfish people, You’ll never get far in life. All you will feel is aches pains and wondering how “YOU” got there. Don’t be so deluded open your eyes and see the bigger picture, There is so much more to life, Then running back to open the doors to let them crawl back in. No one likes to move backwards, Everyone likes to move forward. Just like how they moved on when they left you.

Take each day to develop yourself pay no attention to what they think of you or who they are with. The more time you waste worrying about how much of a good time they are having,  The less happy you’ll be. Don’t depend on anyone for your own happiness, If you do you’ll  be sad forever. Happiness is not a thing , It’s a feeling that comes by appreciating the little things you do for yourself. The only person who has your back is YOU. The moment you appreciate “YOU” there’s nothing that will stop you from pressing that BLOCK button.

Unless you glance back and learn from a mistake you are just going to be staring at the “damaged you”.  If you don’t move past it and settle it, forgive it and forget it, you are only hurting your soul and spirit.

Never let someone with the significance of a speed bump become a roadblock in your life!



Snowdonia National Park-Wales

“Keep close to Nature’s heart…and break clear away, once in awhile, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean.” (John Muir)

Got to love the beauty of wales. The stunning mount snowdon so pleasing to the eyes. i loved the long roads with endless greenery around them.

The beautiful lakes and of course lots of sheeps….img_8966

Beautiful Bala Lake in Gwynedd, Wales.