My previous post left a lot of unanswered questions that most of you were eager to know, so hopefully this post will have more answers and less questions.
Is it just me or do you sometimes feel like a forgotten friend?
I look around me and see people moving on with their lives: most of my friends are married with kids, some of them have bought their first house yet, I’m sat here thinking what should I wear to work tomorrow LOL.
For me, the days are going by so quick yet I feel like time has frozen. Sometimes I feel like a lot has changed while, at the same time, I’ve been standing at the same spot for years.
Not long ago, you played a very important part in your friends lives. The friends who you spent so much time with; spent your childhood with; started your teenage days with; The friends you did all those fun, silly things together with. Now that you’re older, those friends are nowhere to be seen. They all have changed, yet you’re still the same.
When you have so many friends you don’t miss or notice the importance of having friends, but as you get older you notice everything. You miss the good old days – when you could call them at any hour and go for pointless drives, you miss the laughs, you miss everything and you start to wonder what happened: where are all my friends? why have they all forgotten about me?.
The reality is your friends haven’t forgotten about you, they are all just very busy. They have important things to deal with, like having a full time job and bringing up their children, looking after the house and their husband. They can’t just drop everything for you. I sometimes get an email or a text message from my friends asking me to meet up for a chat as its been a long time, but then never hear from them.
I think some people are so lucky to have real friends. Friends who they keep in touch with all the time, they make the effort to see each other. I don’t mean random friends, I mean the kind who are loyal to you till the end, who love you and respect you, they accept you for who you are. Those kind of friends are rare.
But we never stop to think about our friends, the busy ones. We always assume they are too busy for us. We make excuses for them. Our mind plays tricks on us. We make so many pointless excuses on their behalf that we gradually distance ourselves from them.
We assume they are happily married and reaching out to them would mean disturbing them. We assume they have better social lives, which we no longer fit in. You feel like you having nothing in common anymore so staying in contact is pointless. When your friends start to have kids you distance yourself even more, you feel like they need more time to themselves.
Excuses…excuses, why do we make so many excuses? Why don’t we ever stop and think our friends need us as much as we need them?
They might be having more bad days then you, yet you never make yourselves available for them to reach out to. Your friends could be going through so much but you wouldn’t know anything about it because you’ve already distanced yourself from them by making endless excuses. In your head they have found the perfect life partner, they have the perfect house, they have the perfect family – they don’t need you.
Nothing in life is perfect – people always need their friends.
Everyone needs friends, someone to talk to about the good times and about the bad times. We all need second opinions, or someone we can openly discuss our concerns and ideas with. Someone to share our happy moments with.
A reminder to myself and advice to all reading this post: don’t feel like a forgotten friend. Reach out to all of your loved ones – ring them, text them, e-mail them; check up on them and ask them how they are doing. Life is too short to sit and assume things: we never know what is around the corner. So many of our friends and loved ones suffer in silence because they feel forgotten, they feel like they are alone and no one cares about them; nobody is available, to listen to their problems or offer them advise, nobody is there to empathise with them. They start to isolate themselves from you and then they will never reach out to you.
We need to stop making excuses and start reaching out to our busy friends. We should never make it all about ourselves – we must not let our egos and pride stop us from reaching out to people.
Don’t let the next time you see your friend or loved one be at their funeral.