Forgotten Friends And Endless Excuses.

My previous post left a lot of unanswered questions that most of you were eager to know, so hopefully this post will have more answers and less questions.

Is it just me or do you sometimes feel like a forgotten friend?

I look around me and see people moving on with their lives: most of my friends are married with kids, some of them have bought their first house yet, I’m sat here thinking what should I wear to work tomorrow LOL.

For me, the days are going by so quick yet I feel like time has frozen. Sometimes I feel like a lot has changed while, at the same time, I’ve been standing at the same spot for years.

Not long ago, you played a very important part in your friends lives. The friends who you spent so much time with; spent your childhood with; started your teenage days with; The friends you did all those fun, silly things together with. Now that you’re older, those friends are nowhere to be seen. They all have changed, yet you’re still the same.

When you have so many friends you don’t miss or notice the importance of having friends, but as you get older you notice everything. You miss the good old days – when you could call them at any hour and go for pointless drives, you miss the laughs, you miss everything and you start to wonder what happened: where are all my friends? why have they all forgotten about me?.

The reality is your friends haven’t forgotten about you, they are all just very busy. They have important things to deal with, like having a full time job and bringing up their children, looking after the house and their husband. They can’t just drop everything for you. I sometimes get an email or a text message from my friends asking me to meet up for a chat as its been a long time, but then never hear from them.

I think some people are so lucky to have real friends. Friends who they keep in touch with all the time, they make the effort to see each other. I don’t mean random friends, I mean the kind who are loyal to you till the end, who love you and respect you, they accept you for who you are. Those kind of friends are rare.

But we never stop to think about our friends, the busy ones. We always assume they are too busy for us. We make excuses for them. Our mind plays tricks on us. We make so many pointless excuses on their behalf that we gradually distance ourselves from them.

We assume they are happily married and reaching out to them would mean disturbing them. We assume they have better social lives, which we no longer fit in. You feel like you having nothing in common anymore so staying in contact is pointless. When your friends start to have kids you distance yourself even more, you feel like they need more time to themselves.

Excuses…excuses, why do we make so many excuses? Why don’t we ever stop and think our friends need us as much as we need them?

They might be having more bad days then you, yet you never make yourselves available for them to reach out to. Your friends could be going through so much but you wouldn’t know anything about it because you’ve already distanced yourself from them by making endless excuses. In your head they have found the perfect life partner, they have the perfect house, they have the perfect family –  they don’t need you.

Nothing in life is perfect – people always need their friends.

Everyone needs friends, someone to talk to about the good times and about the bad times. We all need second opinions, or someone we can openly discuss our concerns and ideas with. Someone to share our happy moments with.

 

A reminder to myself and advice to all reading this post: don’t feel like a forgotten friend. Reach out to all of your loved ones – ring them, text them, e-mail them; check up on them and ask them how they are doing. Life is too short to sit and assume things: we never know what is around the corner. So many of our friends and loved ones suffer in silence because they feel forgotten, they feel like they are alone and  no one cares about them; nobody is available, to listen to their problems or offer them advise, nobody is there to empathise with them. They start to isolate themselves from you and then they will never reach out to you.

We need to stop making excuses and start reaching out to our busy friends. We should never make it all about ourselves – we must not let our egos and pride stop us from reaching out to people.

Don’t let the next time you see your friend or loved one be at their funeral.

 

 

The choices we make.

I set this page up thinking there is so much I want to share with everyone but, honestly, it’s the hardest thing to do. So many questions in my head: what is the point? Who will read this? Will this benefit anyone? Would people even care what I have to say? A very close friend has always encouraged me to write a blog, she thinks my experiences of certain situations are something people would benefit from. I just laugh and say “I’m not so sure…” I tell her I don’t know the first thing about blogging. The fact that I am here typing is a start I guess. I really hope I can write down all the madness in my head and see what others have to say – will people relate or will they just laugh?

I set this page up many months ago, but I really couldn’t bring myself to write anything. WELL HERE IT GOES…

I am an individual who is overly sensitive to certain situations in life. Although I have been through hell and back, people see me as someone really strong, someone who can get through anything. While this is true, at the same time it’s not; I have bad days just like everyone else, but I know I have to pick myself up and get through it, no miracle is going to make my situation better. This has made me think about all the choices we make in life and how they affect us.

What we go through is a mixture of the choices we make and what fate has in store for us. If someone said to me a few years ago, “life is a test and this pain and suffering you’re going through is part of that test” I would have totally agreed with them. Now, years later, I disagree to a certain extend.

When you’re young and inexperienced sometimes you make some seriously terrible choices, only to either regret or learn from them. In my case I did both: I regret the choices I made, yet I look back and think how they have taught me.

Some of us are very lucky, we have positive vibes around us all the time and even though we have bad days, we are around happy positive people and our spirits are lifted – we bounce back quickly. Some, like me, just get thorough the day. But, is that what life is? Does it have to be so hard?

The reality is life should not be hard! It is the choices we make, the drama we create, in our own lives that causes struggle to begin.

Some choices I made didn’t benefit me at all, yet, at the time the voices in my head encouraged me – it felt like it was the right thing to do. Now looking back I know these were bad choices.

The friends we make have the biggest influence on our lives, yet, we fail to recognise that. When we are young our parents always stop us from befriending certain individuals .At the time, we think our parents are pure evil and don’t want to see us happy, little do we know, later on in life we will thank our parents for looking out for us from day one. Our friends and the circle of people that we associate with on a daily basis, have such powerful influences on our lives, they can either make us or break us. The kind of people we choose to associate with, that is a choice we make.

From experience, I’ve had the best of both worlds: terrible friends who broke me completely down and a handful of good friends who lifted me back up. But, when you’re young, how do you know which types of friends you need? Well I didn’t. All I cared about was having friends, lots of friends. I didn’t know any better,  I didn’t have big plans for my life, let’s just say I didn’t care. In my head I was never going to get old and at the same time I used to think: what is the point? I have plenty of time to think about the future. Now, looking back, I think “if only I made better choices in life…”!

My problem was I could never say NO to anything or anyone, because, I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I know there are so many like me who just can’t say NO, and most likely for the same reason…but, I had to learn that lesson the hard way. It’s amazing to know how powerful the word NO really is. Learning to say NO has literally changed my life and has helped me make better choices. Don’t get me wrong, I could actually say NO from a young age lol, but never had the courage to actually say it when I should have – I could have saved myself from a lot of harm.

I believe there are many types of people, but, in my experience so far, I can break them down in to three: the first type is the ones who adore us but we ignore them – they look out for us they make sure our needs are taken care of before their own. They go out of their way to make sure we are ok, more than ok. This type can be our parents or loved ones or our best friends, who over time become just like family. They are true to you no matter what. It’s not always a blood relation that falls into this category, I know they say “blood is thicker than water” but sometimes our blood lets us down more than anyone, so don’t be fooled – it’s the actions that counts not the words.

The second type is the “so-called friends” they want you around, to benefit from you, as long as you are feeding them they will be around for a long time, as soon as they see you struggling though, they are the busiest human beings on the face of the earth . Once you’re back on your feet, you’ll see them again, with a bunch of excuses: how hard their life has been and how they’ve struggled and they’ve been down and out: it’s never about you. The reality is, it has never been about you; it’s always been about them. What you can do for them, what they can get out of you: money, time, loyalty… anything. They suck the life out of you. They can never see you happy or doing well. They will make sure they bring you down so they can walk all over you. If you are like me, you would fall into their trap each time, unless you learn to say “NO”. Stay away from this dangerous type because they are a total threat to you and your mental health. They can drain you so bad that you start to think life is hard; you have nothing going for you. The more you invest your time in these individuals the darker your life becomes. You forget who you are, what your purpose in life is. You forget your goals, ambitions, just everything. You no longer live for yourself you become a puppet and this is why I say keep away.

I have been stuck down this path for so long that I’ve felt those feelings and emotions. I used to think my life was not worth anything, I was consumed by all the drama they bought into my life which had nothing to do with me. These individuals have a way of making you feel worthless on your own, they make you feel like you need them in your life: that without them you’re nobody. When the reality is, they need you more than anything. They need you to do things for them. They use you in every way possible to the point where you are confused about everything; you don’t even know what is good for you or bad for you: it makes you physically and mentally ill. I can go on and on and on about the characteristic of these individuals but, we would be here forever. I once read a quote that said something like “before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure you not surrounded by idiots” Looking back, I wish I made better choices of who I invested my time in and had cut loose all the negative vibes.

The third type is my favourite type: these are the “give positive vibes types.” There are only a handful of these types of individuals and I wish everyone gets to meet one someday. This type of individual can change your life for the better. I have been so lucky to have met a few in the darkest days of my life. They bring so much joy and happiness with their positive vibes. They are a blessing in disguise.

The sad thing is when you’ve had such terrible experiences with certain people in your life; you are conscious about making any new friends or even letting anyone in. You feel like you are better off on your own, but the ‘positive vibes giver’ doesn’t give up on you. They lift your spirit, they make you feel like you are special and that you can do anything. They do all of that by just thinking positively. They don’t ask for anything in return. They just want to see you happy. They love putting a smile on people’s faces. They enjoy making people feel happy. They will tell you life is good so many times that eventually you start to see it yourself. All the wounds start to heal all the negative voices in your head start to silence. You feel happy and content with life once again. You start to enjoy the small things. You start to appreciate everything so much more. When you’ve been in a dark place for so long and never thought there would be a light at the end of the tunnel, you appreciate these individuals so much for simply bringing positive vibes into your life without you giving anything to them in return.

Once you start to get to know these individuals you learn that they have deep scars of their own, yet they choose to be positive. They are fighting battles that no one knows about, so you start to admire them and want to be like them. You start to invest your time in them and that’s when you know you’re on the right path – a road to recovery.

When you get to this stage that’s when you know your bad days are over and good days coming. When you reach this stage it becomes easier to make the choice to say “NO”. You know you’ve had a long journey and, under no circumstances, would you want to be your old self: that confused you, living for others. You’ve now made the choice to be part of the “good vibe givers type.” We start to make choices which are good for us and our future, Sometimes it takes us a while, but as long as, we can look back and learn from our experiences no choice is a bad choice and no time is ever wasted, but, if we never learn from the past we can never improve our future.

With positive thinking comes a healthy life style and at this stage you would never make anyone feel the way those dangerous “so-called friends” made you feel. And that’s when you know you’re going to be fine, more than fine… and life is good again.

Thank you to all the good vibe givers out there – without you we would be so lost.